Interview for the weekly magazine KOMPLETNA March 2009 1.Couple of words about First World Children’s Embassy Megjashi, about its beginnings, its activities and care.

The First World Children’s Embassy Megjashi is the first registered civil organization in the transition period for children’s rights in the Republic of Macedonia. With its activities the organization contributed in the process of development and strengthening of the civil awareness for the children rights in the RM. The embassy has dashed the silence of the children’s suffering, especially for the physical, sexual and economical abuse of children, disclosing in the public many cases of abuse and direct engagement in order establishing more effective mechanisms for children protection. Immediately after the beginning of the crises in the Bosnia and Herzegovina in the 1992 the Embassy organized shelter for the children refuges, destinations, humanitarian aid and creative activities with which has helped to the thousands children refuges, with giving opportunity and stimulus of the citizens (children, young and adults) to became open about the problems the children have, to ask for support, to be inform for the children rights, to express their opinion about child protection issues and to organize more effective for their resolve. The children embassy contributed to more effective implementation of the Convention for children protection in the Republic of Macedonia.

2. Do children ask for help (or maybe parents) which are the most frequent problems for which they ask help and tell as also something about the SOS telephone line of the embassy?

The SOS telephone line for children and young within the First World Children’s Embassy Megjashi exist since 1993 and is first telephone of this kind in the country. In the last 15 years volunteers have received more than 17 000 telephone calls on the SOS line for children and young from whole Macedonia.

With the opening of the SOS telephone line for children and young within the First World Children’s Embassy Megjashi (FWCEM), the children have spoken for their problems. SOS service provides them way out from the isolation, understanding that they are not alone and that they are not guilty for the suffered violence.

The team of volunteers for the SOS telephone is consisted of students and psychologists, social workers and pedagogues, as well as 4 family therapists. Free of charge SOS telephone line is established with number 0800 1 2222, with working time until 08.00 till 20.00 h every working day.

The volunteers give part of their free spare time just to be able to help the children. Without them the SOS service and the whole FWCEM service would  not be able to work at all.

Most of the registered calls are connected with: family violence, divorces, misunderstandings with the parents and the children, disturbed family relations as a result of alcoholism of the parents, as a result of the difficult economical situation ... The violence which is a reason why the children call was happening: in the schools, in the family, on the street.

3. How do you meet their needs? Which activities help them (advices, contact with relevant institutions...)?

The principle of work is consistent of giving answer of the telephone calls and during that the problem is considered from more aspects. Already prepared decisions are not suggested but possible alternatives are offered. During that the actions of the people that call are not judged. The callers itself make the decision of their problems. Some of the boys and girls communicate with us very often, sometimes even with months, even when the problem is solved. If the type of the problem is outside of our possibilities for resolving through the telephone call, we ask medical opinion for treatment and we forward it to the medical institution, organizations, experts and specialists in relevant area.

Avoiding giving advices is one of the basic principle in the work with the SOS telephone. However, this role may sound illogical it has its own justification and explanation in the psychological theory and experiences in the work with people who ask help.

          SOS telephone volunteers, instead of giving advices they  feel with the problems of the people that call, they awake them for the choices they have for resolving the problems and give them support.

In the children’s embassy we have as well as family therapists which conduct conversations with family member which seek help through the SOS telephone.

If we realize that some problem require to be treated by relevant institution than we turn to the relevant institutions. That institutions are usually the Ombudsman for children rights, Social care centres, Ministry of interior, and  in some cases Public prosecutors office. From the competent institutions we always ask to be informed for the undertaken measures and  activities. This is one of the ways how we follow up the cases. On some cases in order to act in the best interest for the children we work together with other NGOs’.

4.                  The campaign responsible parenting  ... what exactly mean this campaign and from where and how the idea raise for this campaign? Were that calls and reactions from children or something else?

The First World Children’s Embassy Megjashi through 42 billboards in the city of Skopje and 18 billboards in other cities in Macedonia this year again broadcasted the message that we need to pay attention and spend more time with the children. There should be discussions with the children, should ask them how they feel, how was at school, how they are with their friends, how they  overcome the curriculum vitas and everything which is in their needs and interest.

The data from our SOS telephone for children and young 0800 12222 shows that the children are alone and drifted apart. The parents every day pay less attention and time for discussions. We have calls where the children cries and through tears spoke terrible thinks connected with negligence from their parents. On the other side every year we have pronounced violence upon the children by the adults but also between the children themselves. Many children this year become victims of paedophiles! In that kind of situation when the children are not well protected responsible parenting is very important. The parent is the one who needs to provide love, security, protection, information and education to the child ….

5. Before this campaign there were campaigns “Did you hug your child and did you tell him/her that you love him/her... What is the connection, how they are imagine and are they going to continue in other form?

When you started this campaign tree years ago, the first motto was “Did you hug your child”. The idea have already existed approximately 5 – 6 years ( it was Gordan’s and Dragi’s idea), but we didn’t have financial means to realize this campagn, until the moment when Akcent media provide us free of charge billboards, and they do that already three years, for which we are very grateful.

Last year there was follow up of the campaign "Did you tell your child today how much you love him/her? And this year “Did you discuss with your child". The aim is stimulus of responsible parenting . How often you show love to the children with hugging them, kissing them and telling them “I love you”, more often they would like to show that they deserve that. The love provides building felling of self confident and self-respect. However, the hugging and telling to the children that you love them, are not enough. Conversation is needed……………

For that purpose there were 6 motives for billboards prepared depicting different family situations: Busy parents with no time to pay attention and talk to their children, and parents paying attention and time to talk about everyday activities and tasks that their children have.

Illustrations were made by Smile Cvetanovski, illustrator.

6. How can irresponsible parenting effect over children? Do you have any data on your disposal witnessing problems with children as a result of an irresponsible parenting (children with emotional problems, school problems, and even more bizarre consequences?) 

 Physical assault is not known as successful way to teach children of a nice behaviour. Exactly opposite, it will teach them to be aggressive; make them being resistant and it contributes over the weakening of the connection between parent and a child. At the beginning the physical assaults seem quite efficient, but it can show that the parents should hit stronger and stronger in order to obtain the same results as the time passes.  Shouting and constant criticizing of the children can same as other show as bad and result with an attitude of prolonged emotional burden. This type of penalty does not help children in developing a self-control and respect towards the others.

It is a very rare case when victim-child decides to report the violence. The fear is one of the basic reasons that the children still don’t want to discuss it out loud and do not believe that someone will help them. Thus, the violence remains unnoticed by the people around and the institutions for a long time; in some cases it happens to be revealed to late, when the life of the child is already brought to danger. 

But why the violence is not reported by the adults?  Most probably one of the reasons is the adjusting towards the newly-made conditions in the society in general, creating so-called a type of indifferent behaviour of the public. Parents in those cases such as the domestic violence are directing those issues to be resolved by the authoritative institutions therefore within the detecting of those occurrences there is a huge number of overdue reactions.

7. What exactly is considered for irresponsible parenting? What are the deeds and attitudes and how should actually a responsible parent act like?

The parent must be willing to listen what the child’s got to say and provide enough time for it as well. Life requires solving problems all the time. It is basic that every being needs to learn to recognize, accept and resolve their own problems, so does the child. One of the biggest mistakes is when parents take children’s problems and try to solve them as their own without giving the opportunity for the child to deal with them alone. This is how they show the disbelief over the child in solving own problems and burden child’s process of becoming independent. On the other hand the approach is different in cases when the parent give the effort to the children to solve their problems by themselves; instead of resolving the problem, the parent helps the child to recognize and understand the existing problem and later on to find a suitable solution in cooperation with them and the close ones, all this by active listening.
 
Therefore the child is considered as a person with own problems that need to be dealt in his/her own way.

There are many different types of issues that the child his own comes across to and parents ought to be aware of. But there are problems that are coming by the children themselves which soon become troubles for the adults: Parents cannot accept some of the attitudes of their children.

Irresponsible parent can be considered a person that puts own needs before the needs of their children such as: buying clothes and food just for themselves, “not having enough time” for their own child, neglecting of the problems and needs, not communicating enough with the child, not performing a proper way of raising and development of the child etc.

A parent is considered as responsible by devoting a special attention over their children, hearing their problems and needs, creating a special atmosphere between where the child would feel loved, protected, respected, fulfilled with love, warmth and attention. Simply, the parent needs to induce that the child should consider them not just as parent making rules and prohibitions but as a real friend that can be told everything he/ she their lives without any fear and shame. 

8. Further planned activities of the Embassy Megjashi, campaigns and activities?

A month ago the First World Children’s Embassy Megjashi has started with the implementation of the project “Building a Culture for Children’s Participation” financed by the European Union. This project is to educate both the children and the parents of how children can participate within the creation of the monitoring of children’s rights and children’s participation in the everyday life and further, by which they will learn how to become a direct participants in the conception of the social matters from different areas and behave over the children’s rights. During this project an alternative report for implementation of the Convention of Children’s Rights in Republic of Macedonia will be prepared, which is intended to be presented before the Committee for Children’s Rights in the UN in Geneva. During the preparation of the report certain activities will be partaken by the children.

 “Childhood without Violence-towards better system for children’s protection in Eastern Europe” in cooperation with the Foundation “Somebody’s Children” from Poland is an ongoing project as well. In this regard, the upcoming weekend there is a local training held on the topic “Responsible Parenting”. The local and international supervision where the cases and studies from our SOS hotline will be analyzed is considered to be present.

Children’s workshops are still ongoing where our members can attend course of foreign language, computer courses, art courses, applied fine art courses, origami. SOS hotline for children and youngsters 08001 2222 (free of charge) in coordination with the charge free legal service are actively running by engaging volunteers from suitable areas. Most often parents and children turn to this phone and the source information about violating and abusing of the children’s rights is being given. 
 
The Day Centre for children that are not attending schools is still ongoing and working on regular bases. Every Thursday children visit the Children’s Embassy Megjashi where they are being socially educated and are being given directions and information about their hygiene and working habits.